DIVORCE IS A STRESSFUL EVENT
I think it’s fair to say that divorce is a stressful event in anyone’s life. For some, it is the most stressful event they will ever experience.
Statistics show that 42 percent of marriages end in divorce, while 34 percent of married couples part ways before their 20th wedding anniversary.
The dissolution of a marriage can be an unhappy event, at the very least, marked by disappointment and the loss of your hope and dreams for the future. In addition, there are usually many legal, financial, parental, emotional, and practical aspects that require changes in routines and responsibilities, and it can take people years to get back on their feet.
Nevertheless, divorce serves an important function in legally and emotionally freeing people to form a more stable relationship.
As most couples will tell you, married life takes work, and while there isn’t one single factor that determines whether a relationship will run its course, studies suggest that your career could well have a significant impact.
With all the pressures and worries we have in our lives today, living with chronic stress is the norm, not the exception. Now, add divorce into the mix.
There are two types of chronic stressors with marital dissolution. There are the “known” stressors: having to start over; making the decision to keep the house or move; the loss of the familiar life and lifestyle; paying high legal bills; having less money to live on; handling your kid’s reaction to the divorce and not being able to tuck them in every night.
Then there are the stressors caused by the “unknowns:” wondering if the settlement will be fair; who will get what assets (and debts); worrying if you’ll be able to find a job after being a stay-at-home-parent in the marriage; uncertainty about how to make ends meet on potentially less money; worrying how the children will fare and fearing the social and emotional consequences.
In divorce, the “unknowns” can cause greater fear and stress than the “knowns”. It’s a scary time indeed and the outcome is in the hands of the professionals you hire, how cooperative your soon-to-be-ex will be as well as how the laws are interpreted and how well the courts view your position. In fact, everything about divorce is stressful — whether it’s your choice or mutually agreed upon.
WHY YOU SHOULD CONSIDER DIVORCE COACHING
Divorce Coaching is very helpful for people about to begin the divorce, separation process, or who are already in the process itself. I will be able to help you in many ways, including: finding a way to keep strong and focussed in the midst of it all, support both parties as they work through separation or divorce, and where necessary I can instruct an additional coach to work with your partner. Discussions shared in all sessions are strictly confidential unless expressly agreed to be of benefit to share with all parties.
I will assist you by:
- Developing a range of strategies and techniques to tackle stress at home and work
- Being part of a network of skilled professionals, I can refer you on for additional support, for instance to a psychotherapist, lawyer or mortgage advisor where needed
- Instilling confidence motivation and self-belief
- Helping separating couples create better outcomes for their families
- The introduction of holistic wellbeing initiatives to support the physical, emotional and mental strain
- Bring knowledgeable about the various aspects of divorce
- Implementing a strategic approach looking at your divorce holistically from start to finish that will see you through to a better place.
Relationship divorce & separation process
You may wish to explore if separation or divorce is the direction you want to take. If there is agreement and a firm commitment, a relationship can often be changed for the better, even when just one person changes their approach. I can coach you to do this if it something you would like to try before embarking on formal separation or divorce.
I can assist on the different approaches to separation and divorce and help you to choose the best route for you. I liaise with a number of solicitors and mediators who are keen to keep divorce cases out of court. Instead, they are committed to supporting and advising their clients as they work towards an amicable and fair agreement in relation to the division and reallocation of their assets and joint care for their children following divorce.
There is more information about this below:
- I will support you through the duration of the process
- Initially I will set up a call or preferably arrange to meet you
- Understand your situation
- Identify any areas of apprehension
- Flexible approach providing help at the time when you need it the most
- Help you to come to make sense of the circumstances and prepare yourself and dependents for the process and potential changes ahead.
I have created a bespoke consultancy package following my own traumatic and expensive divorce, the cost and the emotional damage of involving lawyers was a huge shock. The world needed a solution that put families first and helped parents remain on good terms. My first-hand experience will help you save money and navigate through the process.
All it takes is being willing to be good to yourself. Recognising and dealing with stress is an important aspect of living a healthy productive life. Below are some suggestions for ways of handling your stress during the difficult process of divorce.
Follow my top tips…
Keep yourself physically fit and look after yourself
If you have kids or dependents feelings are a priority, the divorce is personal in many ways and you have every right to dedicate time for you to cry, reflect, or simply be alone.Physical exercise including yoga, meditation, tai chi, mindfulness, and a variety of integrative therapies can play a positive role in your health. They create chemical reactions that are proven to reduce anxiety and stress and put you in a good mood.While you may not think that you have the time, try to squeeze in some exercise. Take a walk and enjoy the scenery. It will boost your mood, energise you, and use up some of the stress hormones running through your body.
Make time for fun
Enjoy yourself, have plenty of laughter and fun, plan activities that you enjoy and get involved regularly, it may also be a good opportunity to learn a new skill or pastime. Try not to isolate yourself from others, it may mean getting out of your comfort zone or forcing yourself to get out to have some fun. You’ll find that once you are out and engaging in fun activities you'll not regret making yourself participate.
Feed your mind emotionally and physically
Read a good book, get plenty of rest, take a hot bath, develop a new hobby, eat healthy and nutritious foods, and surround yourself with positive people. Put effort into living a lifestyle that will promote feelings of good self-worth and esteem during this time of adversity.
How to counter sleepless nights
Most adults have problems sleeping at some point in their life. It’s thought that a third of people in the UK have bouts of insomnia. Most healthy adults sleep for an average of seven to nine hours a night. If you’re not getting enough sleep whilst considering separation or going through the divorce process, you may need to take a look at your bedtime ritual and make some simple lifestyle changes.
Think or talk through any tough decisions
When you are living in a highly stressful situation any decisions or changes to your life should not be made until you have thought of all the consequences.
Take time to think things through and thoroughly weigh up all your options. Give yourself time and be patient with the decision-making process.
Let go of the past and move on
Take the time to learn how to heal from the separation or divorce and those feelings of loss. Try to look internally and own your responsibility in the problems that led to breakdown.
Refuse to engage in conflict with your ex-spouse. If the two of you can't be around each other without arguing, there is no shame in walking away.
It’s important to forgive yourself and your spouse and not to allow the issues and circumstances from the marriage or relationship to follow you into new partnerships.
Taking time to identify what caused the breakdown in the relationship and what you need to change about the way you related to your ex will help you move on after the split more productively.
Watch your diet
During times of stress, we often turn to comfort and fast foods such as chips, pizza, and ice cream. Ironically, these high-fat foods are usually the worst possible choices because they can make us feel lethargic and less able to deal with stress. Not only that, but stress can drive up our blood pressure and raise serum cholesterol levels, wreaking havoc on our arteries and increasing our risk of heart attack.